I don’t particularly need a special day to think about and shower attention on the people I love, but as Valentine’s Day approaches and I am for the first time in the specific form of relationship that the holiday caters to, I find myself pondering a little bit extra on the subject of love. Platonic, romantic, it doesn’t matter; each may manifest itself slightly differently, but at its core the principle is the same.
In the hustle and bustle of life today, in their pursuit of this-and-that, people can become affixed on the thought process of “what can you do to make me happy?”, seeking only their own interests through no particular malice, merely short attention spans. But from what I’ve found, love, real love, is the exact opposite; it asks instead “what can I do to make you happy?”, a wholly more pleasing endeavor and thought process if I do say so myself. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from the people I love is so very uplifting. Which, I suppose, circles back to making oneself happy, but if I’m happy because YOU are happy, does it really count as selfish-short-attention-span…?
Love’s a funny thing. Enigmatic. Paradoxical and inherently illogical. It elates and dismays in turn. Opens doorways and impedes progression. It leads to true enjoyment and equal distress, and sometimes to both at once. Overpowering in the best and worst possible ways.
It’s wonderful.
The things that make me think of people in my life are astonishing. There’s the typical, expected ones ~ certain colors and animals for certain people come readily to mind, naturally, if you know at all the people I hold dear ~ but there are other things, seemingly inconsequential things, that bring people to mind. …Okay, so the stars and the moon are never inconsequential, but the multitude of different emotions and ponderings and thoughts-of-people that they evoke in me is astonishing. Love songs sneaking up on my playlist are a given for drifting my mind off toward my sweetheart, but unrelated-to-loveyness songs by a group called The Killdares instantly doing the same thing? You betcha.
And don’t even get me STARTED on the weird things that make Caitlin pop up in my mind. We have too much history of constant inside jokes to even scratch the surface.
I leave you, dear reader, with a song. By now, honestly, I’m thinking one S.J. Tucker might as well have her own tag on this blog due to how often I mention her. In what I share now, she wrote a song to her many loves; a song from one heart to many. I resonate well with this song, although I only have one heart to be sending the same sentiments to. I abridged the lyrics somewhat for space’s sake and just a little bit for relevance-to-me, but the whole song is beautiful as ever from Sooj herself. Do listen if ever you have six or seven extra minutes to ponder and have heart-bursting-love for someone or something in your day.
From far away I’m coveting your white-violet skin
And missing the fall of your hair
Worlds away, I’m courting your everything
And giving you all that I dare
[...]
Never had such Valentines as these on my mind
All the faces I’ve seen, the places I’ve been
They don’t stack up, even at the same time
To you and your white-violet skin
How can one claim perfect love, perfect trust
And not know the wonders I know?
Dreams are all well and good, but mine live and breathe
Who knew? You came true, I suppose
If wishing on stars ever falls out of fashion,
We can move to the Pleiades, with no backward glance!
Maybe between worlds and blackness, I’ll get up the nerve
To finally ask you to dance
[...]
Just to say ‘I love you’ in well-hidden ways
That’s all any song says, each note when it’s played
This one’s too honest, but just smiling, I pray
I am wide open, and only… a little afraid.
From far away I’m coveting your white-violet skin
And missing the fall of your hair
With just a laugh, you rearranged the world as it is
Spoke your heart, and gave me leave to care
[...]
Never had such Valentines as these on my mind
All the faces I’ve seen, the places I’ve been
They will never stack up, even at the same time
To you and your white-violet skin
Oh, to you and your white-violet skin.
I love you.
You know who you are.
xx~Ceej
Caitlin
Ceej
simply beautiful!!! and *yes* to everything you said!
with one minor nit-pick that might or might not resonate for you ~ i think of it as adding to the joy in each other’s lives, instead of thinking of it as making someone else happy or other people making me happy. it’s a small but important detail to me ~ it keeps consistency in my own head that no one can/should be responsible for *making* me happy, nor i them. we’re each responsible for our own happy-ness. if we choose well, we also do an amazing job of contributing to the happy-ness and joy in each others’ lives. your thoughts and mileage may vary. ; )
i’m going to look up that song now. *thank you*! you’ve added to the joy in my life today! or in shorthand… you smiled me!
love, hugs, and friendship to you!
lynelle
Hmm, that does resonate with me on a core level but not on a linguistic one. We DO choose our reactions and emotions ~ some might be knee-jerk but we still choose to allow them through or not once we’re aware of the reaction/emotion.
I think I might be resistant to change my wording/perspective on the “make one happy” bit because happiness is ALWAYS something I’ll choose, so I don’t even try to stop the knee-jerk reaction, so I’m perfectly happy keeping my wording as-is…? Hm.
Perhaps a compromise ~ rather than specifically “what can I do to make you happy”, more like “what can I do that you will choose to be happy about”. Except that’s totally a mouthful. ; ) Further ponderings!
“But from what I’ve found, love, real love, is the exact opposite; it asks instead “what can I do to make you happy?”, a wholly more pleasing endeavor and thought process if I do say so myself.”
I think that’s a lot of what I was trying to communicate in
http://eccentricendeavors.wordpress.com/2010/05/22/what-is-love-to-you/
this blog. Thanks for translating something into much clearer words. XP; Maybe not…exactly, I’d have to really read that blog over again, but it definitely resonated with me.
Well. After trying twice, I guess I have to actually type something to actually get it to post this… <3
Tony, imho, you should stop commenting as anonymous so we don’t have to keep looking up the IP addresses to tell if it’s you or not. :(
no worries ~ i’m not trying to change anyone’s mind. and yea, linguistically, that’s a mouth-ful.
the reason it’s even an issue for me is because… yes…. i DO think we choose our reactions, and why would i NOT choose to be happy? when things are going smoothly, it’s a non-issue.
yet when bumps happen in love and life, it can be easy for people to THEN “use” love as the reason you “should” do x,y,z, my way because you love me, right? and therefore, you want to make me happy, right? even if x,y,z isn’t really something that fits you.
i suspect we’d each be willing to compromise and give a lot to/with people we love. yet when they want/need more than we can stretch, *that’s* when i see love as a justification for why i should do more. to me, that’s where giving and compromise turns into a request for sacrifice ~ a want for me to give beyond what fits me is a request for me to be less true to myself. ideally, i hope i choose loved ones who don’t want me to do that, even if the difference is an irreconciliable one. for me, staying true to ourselves takes precedence over permanence. i’ve been surprised when other people view that type of sacrifice as a part of what love is. and in *that* paradigm, there’s the chance that someone will point out your love and thus your “responsibility” to make them happy.
i don’t suspect you personally would fall into that type of thinking on the giving it end, and i hope you’re lucky enough not to fall into it on the receiving end. yet it’s such a common way of thinking and i’ve been surprised by it whenever it happens.
and this isn’t fluffy and romantic and i didn’t mean to burst bubbles. that paradigm doesn’t negate the huge vivid, intense heart-bursting love where people really are contributing to the joy in each other’s lives, making each other happy, smiling each other.